Wednesday, June 29, 2011

good-bye Noah's room

I have not posted in ages - a month and a half! Wow! I have been meaning to. Actually almost everyday I think "I'm going to make a post" and then I feel like everything I have to say is the same things I've been saying for nearly 9 months. I feel like I've been waiting for something new to write about it and today is that day. 

Our new baby is arriving in approximately 2 months which means it's time to start actually planning for a new baby to come. With Noah I started planning/buying things right from the start. I was so excited I just couldn't wait. Although with this baby I don't need much since I already have everything, so I have been putting it off. It's just too hard to plan for a new baby when my last baby died. The hardest part is the nursery. We decided it would be best to change the nursery. We will keep the same room and the same furniture, but we have to change the decor. That is Noah's room and I feel like it's special to him. I can't have another baby in his exact same room. It's just too weird. We will use all his clothes and all his toys, but we made the decision to change the room. I was content with this decision because I could prolong it awhile and not have to think about it. However, now that time is here. It's being painted on Friday (thanks to a good friend who knows there is no way we could paint this room on our own).  I'm starting to panic. When we refer to this room now, we will no longer call it "Noah's Room" We will start referring to it as the new baby's room. All the paint, bedding, curtains...all that will change. It will be an entirely different baby's room. I'm excited about the new room because I like re-doing rooms. I'm excited about the bright cheerful colors and about the new baby. However actually packing up Noah's things and having to do something with them is so incredibly hard. I had a friend help me organize all the clothes so they are now separated out by month and ready to for this baby to use. But for the past 9 months I have been throwing everything in this room. Anything we get pertaining to Noah - documents, paperwork, gifts, cards, all gets put in his room. Now I actually have to do something with all this stuff. It's like I'm packing away Noah's life. I'm taking his 11 months and packing it away to prepare for a new baby. His room will be different, his clothes and toys will be used by a new baby. There will be few things that will remain just Noah's. I've been dreading this point for so long. I found the bag of his clothes that he wore on his last day - all cut to shreds. I totally lost it. Imagining him that day - I shutter. I can't get the image out of my head. I feel like as time goes on the memories are getting more distant. He is getting further away. I just want to do everything I can to hold him close to me. But time makes us move forward and do things like change his room and pack up his things. 

Missing that sweet little boy that would climb the stairs so fast and look back at you to make sure you were watching...and just laugh. 


  1. Oh Jenna, I can imagine how difficult this has been. We must pack up Ellie's room in about two weeks, so we can move... I am dreading it already. We should never have to do this. I am so glad you have friends that are helping you do the hard things. I'm sure it makes Noah very happy and proud that his stuff is being used for his sibling. A big brother's gift. As your baby gets bigger, you will be able to show them all of the wonderful things Noah gave them and what a special big brother they have!
    Good luck to you as you and your husband deal with this. I'm really excited to meet you in a couple weeks!! Sending love, Tiffany

  2. Hi Jenna,

    I think tha you are taking a big step and that Noah is very proud of you. I am sure that the new room wil be so special and maybe someday you can add something of Noah's into it. The fact that Naoh's things are going to used amongst all your children is a beautiful thing. It is such a nice way to allow them to bond through his belongings.

    Thank you for giving me your e-mail so that we can support one another. I sent you an e-mail a while ago I am not sure if you received it or not. If not, I will just resend.

    Thinking of you and Noah,

  3. Jenna I am definitely thinking of you guys as you work to pack up Noah's room and work on your nursery. It's just so wrong that you even have to do this.......he should be here with you. I'm glad that this little one will get to use their big brother's clothes and toys. What a special thing to share :)

    I can't even imagine how I will be when I have to pack up Aiden's things one day. I have not been able to move anything since we came home from the hospital in November.

    Sending lots of hugs mama......xoxo

  4. I have no magic words of comfort Jenna. Please just know that I care. From one mama to another, Julia

  5. Found your blog through another baby loss mom. So sorry about your precious Noah, he was so adorable. I lost my son almost a year ago and it doesn't get easier.

    Congrats on expecting another baby. I have found since my new son was born (2 weeks ago) that my house is so happy, he has brought a lot of healing by just being here. I hope for the same for you.