Monday, November 22, 2010

Hi everyone

This is Noah's Daddy. I waited far too long to write my first post, as I really had to gather my thoughts and emotions as I really have a tough time speaking about this to the public. 

As I’m sure all of you know Noah was everything to me. He was my life. He made my life full of joy and love. Like Jenna said, I really didn't know how much I could love something until I had Noah. For the people who never got to meet him he was an extraordinary child. And I am not just saying that for the fact he was my child but there was something unique about him that really filled everyone’s hearts with joy, laughter, and most of all... love. 

Noah had a laugh that was outrageous. He seriously laughed all the time because he always loved his company and loved to play. He never ever stopped smiling. From ear to ear Noah could just look at you with that smile and your bad day suddenly disappear and soon you realized what was important in life.  As well he was not afraid to go up to anyone, He would never cry when a stranger picked him up, in fact he would greet them with a smile and probably explore your face or hair. 

Getting by has been somewhat of a struggle for myself. I do not show it so much as I try to look strong and positive. But the reality is that there is an empty hole that I can never fill and this pain I truly believe will never go away. Jenna and I are seeking therapy and groups to cope. It helps but it can only help so much. The thing that really hurts the most is that we will never have answers from Noah's passing. Doctors who study this awful disease don't have any answers. Your perfect baby is here then he/she is gone just like that. It’s wrong in so many ways.

The night of his passing I was at work and received a call from the detective to get to the hospital right away. On the way there I had received another call from a family member saying that he was gone... I don't remember anymore of the drive from that point on. The next thing I remembered was walking through the emergency room doors. See my wife screaming along with her family. I held her then broke down myself. Minutes later they allowed us to go be with Noah. The nurses were cleaning up and he was lying there all alone. I broke down so hard I thought I would pass out. We spent the next few hours by his side holding him and kissing him, we didn't want to let him go. I couldn't let him go… he needed his mommy and daddy. After probably two hours of crying, praying, questioning, and comforting we held him one last time and said our final goodbyes. I wish no one in the world will ever have to go through that. It is beyond painful, it is beyond sadness, it is an inconceivable feeling of emptiness that tares through you right to your soul and takes all the good times and positive things in your life and dissolves them instantly. 

Noah was everything to me, he always will be. I know he is with us all the time. I know life has to move on but it won't move on without honoring his mark that he left in our world. He was an angel here on earth, and now is the most beautiful angel in heaven. I love him and I will NEVER forget about him until one day I get to see him again.



  1. Scott,

    Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. It was so well-written. Again, so incredibly sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Noah sounds like he was such an amazing little boy. Wishing you both continued strength in the coming days and thinking of you often.

    Kevin Harris

  2. Scotty,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I love you and am thinking of you guys every day.
    Sarah Amara

  3. Scott,
    It's wonderful that you can share your story, it was beautifully written. Know that as time goes by your heart will heal, but will always have a place for Noah.
    Sending strength and love your way,
    Kerry Tarullo

  4. Scott,
    As a mother of a two year old boy, I want you to know that I have cried for you and prayed for you throughout this holiday season. I appreciate that you are so willing to share and be open about what you are going through. I know I still could never imagine how hard it is for you and your wife but I do know that God will give you strength through this and He is great enough to make some good from this extremely difficult situation.
    Your love for Noah is so obvious and joy to see.
    (My son's name is Elijah but Noah was our second choice)

    Sarah Lewton (Huffman)

  5. With your words, I can feel those pains I had losing my little girl. It's so important for the fathers feelings to be recognized. So many men want to be strong for the people around them and almost deny themselves of grieving. My daughter passed away at 6 weeks, and left behind a twin sister. For over a month afterwards, her Dad would stay up all night long with her sister to watch over her until I awoke. He never wanted to leave our other daughters side for fear that she would also die. I hope that you have had time to begin healing since losing Noah. Take care.