Thursday, November 25, 2010


It's been 7 weeks today that my baby has been gone. It's also Thanksgiving. I'm trying as hard as I can to stay positive today that there are things to be thankful for. Although last year it was much easier. I had my baby and that was the greatest thing in the world to be thankful for. It's hard to believe that just one year later, he isn't here. But I can see his smiles in my head and I know he'd want me to be strong and push through, so here goes:

I'm thankful for my unbelievable, thoughtful, amazing husband who exudes much patience with me everyday for all my crazy ways :) 

I'm thankful for my family - they mean the world to me and are my "go to" people when no one else understands.

I'm thankful for my sister for always being able to cheer me up and make me laugh 

I'm thankful for my best friends: Carly, Ang, Laura, Brittany, Jamie and Carrie, and Lisa. Without you I would not have been able to get through these last 7 weeks. You have been there every step of the way to make sure my nails are done, I'm fed, I've laughed, cried, etc. I LOVE YOU!

I'm thankful for old friends who have come back into my life to support me through this horrific time. 

I'm thankful for all the people that went out of there way to be here for us - even those I have never met that sent us donations and gifts. Some people are truly amazing and do selfless deeds for others when they need it most. 

I'm thankful for my hilarious co-workers who have been so understanding and help me get through each day and take my mind off what I'm going through so I can focus on such important things like Caribou Coffee merchandise :) 

I'm thankful for those people that have reached out to us that have also lost a child. Your strength in wanting to help us is so greatly appreciated. Nothing helps more than being able to talk with people that have gone through this before. 

Most of all I am thankful that God gave me my beautiful son 1 year and 3 weeks ago today. He changed my life forever. He brought joy to our lives, love to our hearts, and laughter to our ears. He is my soul mate, my true reason for living. And I know that somehow, someway he will come back to me. I know it won't be the same but his soul will live through us and our future children forever. 

Happy Thanksgiving Noah. We will be visiting you today and bringing you balloons! Your favorite! I miss you and wish you were here to eat all the yummy foods that I know you'd love! Please watch over us today and always. 

Love, Mommy

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Angel of Hope

As the days go on, things sometimes get easier and sometimes they get harder. On one hand, Noah has been gone for a longer period of time and we are getting more and more used to our new life, as much as we don't want to. On the other hand Noah has been gone for longer and it tears me apart to know that the last time I held him, touched him, kissed him, fed him is getting farther and farther away. I miss his smile and his laugh the most. I miss that when you'd tell him "NO", he'd laugh. Scott always said it was because the word "NO" and "NOAH" were too similar and he'd get confused. And that would always make me laugh harder. I also miss that when he'd climb up the stairs he'd stop and look back just to make sure you were standing right behind him watching him and then he'd giggle the rest of the way up, so proud of his amazing fete. 

This holiday season is incredibly hard for us. However, our amazing and generous friends have given us a paver brick at the Angel of Hope statue in Maple Grove. The brick will be engraved with Noah's name and his dates and be placed by the statue in May. The statue is a place for all parents who have lost a child. It will be a place for us to go and remember and honor Noah's memory. Friends and family are coming with us to attend the candlelight ceremony they hold there every year on Dec. 6 at 7pm. I encourage anyone who'd like to join us in honoring Noah's memory as well as the many other children who were taken away from us too soon. The statue is located at the Maple Grove Arboretum right next to the high school at 9400 Fernbrook Lane. They provide candles, but we are asked to bring a white flower to leave at the base of the statue in honor of the Noah. 

Thank you to our incredibly thoughtful friends and family who continue to support us in so many ways. Thank you for all the dinners, the cards, the donations, the prayers, taking us out, keeping us busy etc. I am happy to say that thanks to you all, we have donated $2,000 to SIDS research and $2,000 to Multiple Myeloma research. We will continue to donate to both research funds. The MMRF has made amazing strides in new treatment possibilities thanks to their donations. This one is very important to us since my mom has Multiple Myeloma.

Hugs, kisses and rainbows to my sweet peanut. Miss you and Love you always. 

Monday, November 22, 2010

Hi everyone

This is Noah's Daddy. I waited far too long to write my first post, as I really had to gather my thoughts and emotions as I really have a tough time speaking about this to the public. 

As I’m sure all of you know Noah was everything to me. He was my life. He made my life full of joy and love. Like Jenna said, I really didn't know how much I could love something until I had Noah. For the people who never got to meet him he was an extraordinary child. And I am not just saying that for the fact he was my child but there was something unique about him that really filled everyone’s hearts with joy, laughter, and most of all... love. 

Noah had a laugh that was outrageous. He seriously laughed all the time because he always loved his company and loved to play. He never ever stopped smiling. From ear to ear Noah could just look at you with that smile and your bad day suddenly disappear and soon you realized what was important in life.  As well he was not afraid to go up to anyone, He would never cry when a stranger picked him up, in fact he would greet them with a smile and probably explore your face or hair. 

Getting by has been somewhat of a struggle for myself. I do not show it so much as I try to look strong and positive. But the reality is that there is an empty hole that I can never fill and this pain I truly believe will never go away. Jenna and I are seeking therapy and groups to cope. It helps but it can only help so much. The thing that really hurts the most is that we will never have answers from Noah's passing. Doctors who study this awful disease don't have any answers. Your perfect baby is here then he/she is gone just like that. It’s wrong in so many ways.

The night of his passing I was at work and received a call from the detective to get to the hospital right away. On the way there I had received another call from a family member saying that he was gone... I don't remember anymore of the drive from that point on. The next thing I remembered was walking through the emergency room doors. See my wife screaming along with her family. I held her then broke down myself. Minutes later they allowed us to go be with Noah. The nurses were cleaning up and he was lying there all alone. I broke down so hard I thought I would pass out. We spent the next few hours by his side holding him and kissing him, we didn't want to let him go. I couldn't let him go… he needed his mommy and daddy. After probably two hours of crying, praying, questioning, and comforting we held him one last time and said our final goodbyes. I wish no one in the world will ever have to go through that. It is beyond painful, it is beyond sadness, it is an inconceivable feeling of emptiness that tares through you right to your soul and takes all the good times and positive things in your life and dissolves them instantly. 

Noah was everything to me, he always will be. I know he is with us all the time. I know life has to move on but it won't move on without honoring his mark that he left in our world. He was an angel here on earth, and now is the most beautiful angel in heaven. I love him and I will NEVER forget about him until one day I get to see him again.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Noah's Story

November 4, 2009 was the happiest day of our lives. Our beautiful son and first born Noah Joseph Rogers was born at 9:39am weighing in at a healthy 8lb 3oz. He had personality right from the start. Once he started smiling at 6 weeks old, he never stopped. He brought so much joy to everyone’s lives. He LOVED people. He was a true gift to his mommy and daddy, family and friends. His laughter was contagious and he was learning so many great tricks such as SO BIG that he loved showing everyone he came in contact with.  He was saying da-da like crazy but wanted no part of saying ma-ma. He was learning to walk and was the absolute light of our lives.

Sadly, we never knew that the greatest love of our life would be taken away from us at just 11 months old. On October 7, 2010 I was leaving work and on my way to pick up Noah from daycare when I received the call that changed my life forever. It was the police department saying they had Noah at the Maple Grove Hospital and we needed to get there immediately. He was taking a nap at daycare and was found unresponsive.  I prayed and prayed the entire drive to the hospital. Please save my perfect boy! He's only 11 months and I can't live without him so he HAS to be ok. As soon as I walked through the emergency room doors and saw him, I knew he was gone. There were so many doctors working on him, so many machines, so many tubes. My baby boy was laying lifeless on the table, slightly blue and cold. Scott and my family arrived shortly after that. The doctor told us they had tried to revive him for an hour but he was gone. My own flesh and blood that I carried for 9 months and played with for 11 months – just gone. We were in a complete state of shock as we spent the next few hours just being with Noah. We got to hold him and they gave me a lock of his hair and his final footprints.  

We later found out from the medical examiner that he had no medical problems or injuries of any kind. He did not suffocate on his blanket, it was not because he was sleeping on his stomach, and it was not the environment he was in. He just died. They are able to tell as the respiratory tract was shut down immediately with no signs of struggle. He breathed out and just never breathed back in.  They claimed it to be Sudden Unexpected Infant Death. It's terrifying to know that as a parent you do everything in your power to make sure your children are safe. We were the best parents we could be to Noah and we find comfort in that. We gave him everything we could, we always made sure he was safe and happy. Somehow he died anyways and we will never have the answers but we hope to live on and dedicate our lives to his memory. He was the greatest most amazing little boy in the world. We love him more than we even knew our hearts could love. We only got 11 months with him, but they were the BEST 11 months of our lives.

We decided to create this blog for several reasons: for a place to tell stories about Noah, a place to write our feelings and grieve, a place for others to follow our progress if they wish, a place to announce upcoming events we will attend or put on in memory of Noah, and most of all a place for other people who God for bid might be in this situation someday. I have found comfort in reading the blogs of other parents who have lost a child as it’s taught me that somehow life will move on and time will start to heal this horrific pain.  I hope to provide that for anyone else who may need it.

Life without Noah is something we never imagined. We thought we’d watch him play soccer like his daddy, go to school, dance at his wedding, and be there when his children were born. We had so many plans for him and we never knew life could be cut short.  We know that now we have Noah as our gaurdian angel forever. He will watch over us and our family and always be with us. We see him in rainbows and the brightest stars in the sky.

He taught us so much in his short 11 months: How to love to the fullest, how to not take a single day for granted, how to laugh all the time and find the “fun” in everything, and most of all he taught us that being a parent is the GREATEST joy in the world to us and we hope to have it again someday.