A Bereaved Parent's Wish List

A fellow bereaved mom shared this with me today (thanks Brittianee!) and I wanted to post it. As a new year starts and the months continue to go by, I know people will think of us and Noah less and less. That absolutely breaks my heart. Because to the rest of the world Noah may be gone, but to me he is still my son. He is still the greatest person I ever knew, the greatest love I ever experienced and the happiest I've ever been. 


Today is his 14 month birthday. I miss you so much peanut. I'd do anything to see you running around getting into mischief. I can only imagine what you'd be doing. I wish I could know for sure. I wish I could hold you, hug you, kiss you. 


A Bereaved Parent's Wish List


1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.

2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak his name. He lived and was very important to me. I need to hear he was important to you also.

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. His death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.

5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

6.I need diversions so I do want to hear about you: but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about him, my favorite topic of the day.

7. I know that you think and pray for me often. I also know that his death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know these things with a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child til the day I die.

9. I am working very hard on my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always love and miss him, and I will always grieve that he is gone.

10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time.

11. I don't want a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

12. I wish you would understand how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I am miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

13. When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and I struggle daily.

14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having is completely normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

15. Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

16. Please excuse me if I seem rude; it is certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me moves too fast and I need to go off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When he died, a huge part of me died with him. I am not the same person before he died, and I will never be that person again.

18. I wish very much that you could understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I pray daily that you will never understand.